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When a Man Turns Forty
| Article
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17712 |
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Section : |
LIFE
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| Issue
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6 / 1990 |
2,298 Words |
| Author
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Bob Silverman
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When I turned forty, one thing more than all others characterized my life: I was quite unhappy. Like most men, I blamed this unhappiness on everything and everybody other than me: "It's my wife's fault…. The job is killing me…. I need more money."
I didn't like being unhappy and tried to do something about it. So after more than fifteen years of holding job titles like controller or chief accountant with a series of Fortune 500 companies, I left it all to head a nonprofit human service agency. I decided to do something more personally rewarding than just making more money. At about the same time, I walked away from a twenty-year marriage, casting family, friends, financial security, and many years' worth of material acquisitions to the winds.
I didn't know it at the time, but I was experiencing a typical male mid-life crisis. I spent the next five years learning everything I could about it.
Male mid-life crisis is a fact. It's neither a joke nor a contrived excuse for unusual behavior. It's a time of life that demands growth and change, an unmarked passage leading either to ruin or to the beginning of a better way of life.
Eighty percent of all men in their middle years reevaluate the lives they've built. They struggle with questions like, Am I happy? Is this what I really wanted? Is this all there is? How much time have I got left? What now?
Of this 80 percent, a large number will, in one way or another, forfeit a good measure of the rest of their lives. Far too many start winding down while still in their forties. Studies have shown that one-third of all men experience a full-blown mid-life crisis. These men experience rapid and dramatic changes in personality and behavior.
Some men experience positive change as the result of a mid-life crisis. It's not always a bad thing. Some men actually grow and expand in their middle years, becoming more productive and less competitive. Their relationships become deeper and more stable, and they gain a greater sense of well-being.
Male mid-life crisis rarely occurs before age thirty-nine, or beyond sixty; it's most common between thirty-nine and forty-five. It can be expected to last up to four or five years.
What to Do
There are a number of things one can do to negotiate the male mid-life crisis successfully. The following twelve steps have guided many men through what, for them, was once uncharted territory.
Recognize and acknowledge
I spent years lying to myself and others. I'd say things like "Look at my job title," "Look at this house and car," "I've got it made!" or "Of course I'm happy!" yet I was living in quiet despair.
The first and biggest step toward resolving any problem is to acknowledge that the problem exists. Look at yourself. Look at your life. Be honest. Recognize and acknowledge who you are.
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