|
|
On the Marriage Front
| Article
# : |
17259 |
|
|
Section : |
LIFE
|
| Issue
Date : |
2 / 1990 |
1,978 Words |
| Author
: |
Nancy Pearcey
|
You may have seen him on news programs like the MacNeil-Lehrer Newshour or Nightline. Or Perhaps on Good Morning America or Donahue. Whenever social issues are debated-whether on the Larry King Show or in the New York Times - Gary Bauer, President of the Washington, D.C.-based Family Research Council, is often the one people call on to talk about the status of America's families. February being the month of Valentine's Day, THE WORLD & I asked Nancy Pearcey to interview Bauer on how Americans feel about marriage today.
THE WORLD & I: What are some of the changes you've seen since the sixties in people's attitudes toward marriage?
Gary Bauer: People have largely stopped seeing marriage as an institution and have begun to see it as simply a relationship. Let me illustrate what I mean. My father had a drinking problem, and he and my mother went through some rocky times. But they never quit. They stuck it out because in their minds there was more to marriage than just two individuals who care about each other more or less over the years. That "more" was commitment.
My parents had the now old fashioned notion that marriage was truly "for better or for worse." An individual's feelings may fluctuate, but his commitment to the marriage is a choice and remains constant.
W & I: How do people feel about the sixties definition of marriage?
GB: It's touted as sexual liberation, but I think people are frightened by the instability that has shaken our most intimate relationships. Young people shy away from making serious commitments not because they're "free," but because they're afraid of making themselves vulnerable and then being abandoned.
Children sometimes say what adults feel but won't say. My first-grade daughter came home one day and was clearly distressed by something. I took her aside and asked what was wrong. She finally burst out, "When are you and Mommy going to get divorced?" When I assured her that we had no intention of getting divorced, she said, "But the parents of all the kids in my class are divorced." She had picked up the idea that marriage is a temporary relationship and was terrified that she might lose the people who mean the most to her.
W & I: What effects are we seeing from the sexual revolution of the sixties?
GB: The sexual revolution was a grater boom for young men than for young women. When I was growing up, there were a couple of girls who were known to be the ones you took out if you wanted a "good time." They were not the ones you invited to a party at your home. In many ways, those girls were ostracized. Today there are a lot more teenage girls willing to give in to the pressure put on them by boys. In some cases, the tables have been turned and it is the virtuous girl who is ostracized, who finds herself sitting home alone on a Friday night.
W & I: How has all that affected marriage?
GB: The attitudes teenagers develop about sex are taken with them into marriage. The casual attitude toward sexuality that many young
...
Read Full Article
|
|
