M.D.
One Doctor's Adventures Among the Famous and the Infamous
From the Jungles of Panama to a Park Avenue Practice
B.H. Kean, M.D., with Tracy Dahlby
New York: Ballantine Books, 1990
480 pp., $19.95
According to the publicity material that accompanies M.D., author B.H. Kean "is a witty, charming practitioner, a medical detective whose specialty, tropical medicine, attracted to his office the rich, famous and infamous, who came home form their travels with more than they'd bargained for."
That might lead some to think M.D. is a cheap, tawdry, exploitive attempt by a vain physician to cash in on his patients' fame. So let's set the record straight: M.D. costs $19.95.
It definitely isn't cheap. As for tawdry and exploitive, well, you be the judge. Here's what he says about his patients:
"Once you've got them in an examining gown with a tongue depressor down their throat, they are usually ready to surrender stories that give new meaning to the phrase 'human condition.'"
He never explains how his patients manage to say anything with a piece of wood threatening their esophagus, but here is some of the stuff they apparently managed to get out:
"Willie had spent 10 days in Alaska on a fishing trip - or so his wife thought. In truth, he had been holed up all that time at the Waldorf with her sister. Mrs. T, married to an international playboy for 30 years and before that the girlfriend of many men-about-town, finally let me do a Pap. She was a virgin. Mr. P had three sons. Mrs. P stated each had a different father - none her husband."
Despite this paragraph, M.D. is essentially harmless. It's even occasionally amusing. It has one - count it, one - insightful paragraph. And there are several interesting chapters about the U.S. government's treachery and broken promises during the final months of the shah of Iran's life.
The rest of the book is irritating. Dr. Kean comes across as owner of an ego larger than the national debt. Moreover, the publicity surrounding the book creates unrealistic expectations about Kean's accomplishments - and the book. The writing is also uneven. Questions are left unanswered, and Kean somehow gets from point A to point C without ever getting near point B.
Kean's parents are Owenites, followers of Sir Robert Owen, who created his own vision of Utopia in New Harmony, Indiana. They move to New York City, where Kean is raised. He is apparently interested in a career in medicine, though that seems to depend upon what page of this book you're reading. He graduates from Berkeley, where he majors in English, and ultimately, the Columbia College of Physicians and Surgeons.
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