The historical Buddha, Siddhartha Gautama, born in the sixth century B.C., lived as a prince in the Himalayan kingdom of Nepal, near northwest India. He lived a happily married life, and one child was born to him and his wife. Inevitably, though, his deep perception of universal suffering eventually claimed his entire attention until, at the age of thirty-five, after six years of unrelenting effort, he realized Enlightenment.
Advocating the energetic striving for peace of mind, he offered ordinary men and women the path to the goal. His teachings, collected in numerous volumes, are basically ethical, psychological, and philosophical. The highest realization of the Buddhist life is that of Nirvana: the absolute realization of mental peace. It can also be described as release from all forms of greed, hatred, and delusion about the true nature of existence.
Buddhism has adopted two life-styles appropriate as paths to Nirvana. One is the way of the celibate monk or nun who entirely devotes all his or her energies to the realization of Nirvana. The path of renunciation, though, is not appropriate for all persons. The life of the ordinary man or woman, single or married, can also be a vehicle for spiritual growth. Many laypersons in the Buddha's lifetime realized sainthood. Today, many couples have made the same commitment of mutual support in walking a spiritual path. The daily situation of married life can also be a great, fertile testing-ground for the development of mature spiritual values.
According to ancient Buddhist and Indian principles, a man's wife is considered to be his best friend, and a woman's husband her best friend. One should carefully seek out a suitable mate, ideally each sharing a common background and similar life goals.
Marriage is not merely a union of two people. The couple undertake a great responsibility to each other for their entire lives - a responsibility reflected, as well, in the fabric of society. Each party can contribute either favorably or unfavorably to the other's spiritual growth. Lessons in the spiritual life come in many forms and disguises. A successful marriage is based on deep, genuine friendship. Mutual support, trust, devotion, and loving-kindness are but some of the ingredients of a healthy and successful marriage. Buddhism also counsels people to marry when fairly mature, that is, after they have taken the initiative to investigate their own minds to some degree. Expecting one's mate to fulfill childish needs can only precipitate marital strife.
Wholesome implementation of a number of Buddhist guidelines can contribute to the establishment of a secure and peaceful household. While some of these ancient precepts may not pertain to contemporary America, many are still applicable today, if given a modern paraphrase. I will mention but a few samples of the advice given to a newly married couple.
During the time of the Buddha, the Lady Visakha was known as a great benefactor of the Buddhist Order. Before her marriage, her father recommended to his beloved daughter guidelines for a successful marriage. We can enlarge these principles by ascribing them to the husband as well as the wife.
A wise couple does not reveal information about domestic conflicts, major or
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